Monday, March 21, 2016

Lawrence Krauss’ Playlist Hacked

Now Evolution Makes Sense

Late this evening Darwin’s God broke into Lawrence Krauss’ much coveted private playlist. This was a major breakthrough, and kudos to our Hacker Unit in doing something that creationist teams have been unable to do despite many years of effort. Krauss’ musical habits are legendary, but he has always been strangely secretive about his tastes. Krauss constantly listens to music on campus, and students complain they can’t get their questions answered simply because he cannot hear them. Krauss lectures, and holds office hours, with headphones seemingly affixed to his head.

Krauss’ playlist has been estimated to be upwards of 5 GB with literally millions of songs. These estimates were based simply on the sheer number of endless hours Krauss spends listening to music. Our breakthrough was based on a hunch from an event at Tempe’s Something From Nothing comedy club, which we covered years ago. Perhaps the playlist is much shorter. “What if Krauss listens only to one song,” someone joked. If that were the case then the playlist would have evaded detection. Sure enough, when we explored the hunch, the data fell into place. It turns out Krauss, amazingly, listens only to one, single, song. Click above to hear the song.

All of this makes perfect sense now. In Saturday’s debate, Krauss explained that protein evolution is not a problem because, “Fortunately we have the Sun.” The audience was dumbfounded, and had no clue what the atheist was babbling about. But his song, “Let The Sunshine In,” by The Fifth Dimension, says it all.

Evolutionists complain that we “just don’t understand” their theory. We have always thought it was “just add water,” but now we get it—it is “just add sunshine.”

Now we see how proteins evolved. This origins debate is now beginning to resolve. We have failed to understand because evolution is so profound. We have failed to appreciate the evolutionist’s message, because of their sheer brilliance.

Out of respect to Krauss’ privacy Darwin’s God will not publish Krauss’ password (but it has to do with the Sun).

Let the sunshine in.


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  3. Well, 5GB of audio files providing millions of 3 minute recordings would certainly be something from nothing. You'd get 1.6KB audio files if you stored 3 million of them within 5GB. That's enough for about 3 seconds of telephone speech.

    But maybe he's listening to recordings of gene sequences with an algorithmic sequencer that takes the gene sequences and algorithmically turns it into something worth listening to - something akin to a MIDI player.

    Then you could get your 5GB and millions of audio sequences.

  4. Well done. Krauss is psychologically unstable and increasingly irrational. A tormented man.

  5. Thank you Cornelius. That brought a smile to my face. But, I have hacked into Barry Arrington's iPod and it only contains one song.

  6. Not bad but if you really want to make your scientific case for ID-Creationism you need to produce a stop-animation video of Krauss and add farty noises.

  7. Good one Cornelius. Nonetheless, I think you forgot one important step in the recipe . . . after adding a cup of water and then a dash of sunshine, you need a little SHAKING. If only evolutionists knew that they could create all kinds of life forms in their labs.

    1. Haaa. I guess that's why we have earthquakes.

  8. I guess this where science can seem to be magic. Or is it the other way round?